Ugh.

I am so tired.

First of all - I have four kids, and that should be exhausting enough, but honestly for the most part, it's not. I love them so much it physically hurts me, and would do and do do everything in my power for them. It bothers me when I mention to people (usually childless people) that I went grocery shopping with all four the other day - and they give me that head to the side, pity smile and say "aww, I bet that was fun!". I get that they have no idea, and that's fine but this is my life, and those kids are my life, and they are good kids and I enjoy spending time with them more than anything else. Whether it's grocery shopping or schooling or vacations. It's all good because I love them.

Don't get me wrong there are not so fun days - like today actually. But I find more and more that it has a heck of a lot more to do with me and my attitude than them and theirs. I set the tone for the day and they fall in line. If I'm being selfsh and crabby, guess who else is. If I am laid back and chill, so are they. The whole reason I had to sit and blog this was because I walked into the kitchen just now and it's a mess, so much so, that I had to turn around and walk back out for a minute. Not to mention the school stuff all over the desk which is all half done at the moment, the empty refrigerator and the 4 loads of laundry. Fine. This is not me complaining, I find joy in caring for my family in all those places. But I think I can be tired sometimes without guilt. And guilt is not something I really allow myself to waste time on - contrary to popular belief guilt is not from God and so I have no use for it.

Anyway . . .

I think me working has really impacted everything more than I thought it would. It's only part time, two days during the week at the most. And they go to their great grandma's house, so it's more like a visit than anything else. If I work the weekend, they are with their daddy. It's not a bad set up, but it is tiring for me because it breaks up our routine and I am the one towing the line during the day. Maybe I'm trying to hard. I'm not sure if I need to suck it up a bit more or cut and run. I bet there is a narrow middle road there somewhere - I'll look for that way . . .

Either way, I could try to relax, I bet that would help ;0P

Not sure what I accomplished with this, but now it's off to the kitchen, the desk, the laundry room and the grocery store - full of gratitude that I can do those things at all.

Before I end this, let me just say a thank you to God real quick - Thank you for Your perfect love and mercy. Thank you for this day, nobody is promised tomorrow. Thank you for my husband who is so full of grace and so deserving of my respect. Thank you for my kids, who bring me so much joy - so much that they could only come from You.