Smokers and Sleepwalkers.

It's been awhile since I blogged, I'm out of practice.

I work at a hospital. I work in different areas all the time, Pediactric ICU, Med/Surg, ER, NICU - all over the place. And you see some crazy things, what you don't see, you hear about. This doesn't necessarily fall into the "crazy" category, more just the "are you serious" file. Well, the hospital I work at (like most hospitals I would assume) is a smoke free campus. Directly across the street is a community college - also smoke free, clearly pointed out by a huge sign right in the middle of the courtyard. Regardless, this where everyone goes to smoke. In the smoke free courtyard under the smoke free sign. Patients in wheel chairs hooked up to IV's dragging their poles behind them lighting up. Just a crazy observation I made today.

My 8 year old is a sleepwalker. He's always been a heavy sleeper, but now he's graduated to being mobile while semi-conscience. At first I would hear him and get up thinking he needed something, or wasn't feeling well and asked him if he was okay. He would then "look" at me and laugh. Which didn't illicit the most patient response out of me at 3 in the morning. It took awhile but I think I finally figured out what's getting him up at night in the first place. He's gotta pee. Only he's asleep. There is a hugely funny story here that I could tell but for the sake of dignity (namely my sons) - I won't. Which makes it a pretty lame blog altogether. My solution: we are cutting back on the fluids before bed and hoping that will help stay put - if not I may have to look into other options (i.e. a gate perhaps).

Ugh.

I am so tired.

First of all - I have four kids, and that should be exhausting enough, but honestly for the most part, it's not. I love them so much it physically hurts me, and would do and do do everything in my power for them. It bothers me when I mention to people (usually childless people) that I went grocery shopping with all four the other day - and they give me that head to the side, pity smile and say "aww, I bet that was fun!". I get that they have no idea, and that's fine but this is my life, and those kids are my life, and they are good kids and I enjoy spending time with them more than anything else. Whether it's grocery shopping or schooling or vacations. It's all good because I love them.

Don't get me wrong there are not so fun days - like today actually. But I find more and more that it has a heck of a lot more to do with me and my attitude than them and theirs. I set the tone for the day and they fall in line. If I'm being selfsh and crabby, guess who else is. If I am laid back and chill, so are they. The whole reason I had to sit and blog this was because I walked into the kitchen just now and it's a mess, so much so, that I had to turn around and walk back out for a minute. Not to mention the school stuff all over the desk which is all half done at the moment, the empty refrigerator and the 4 loads of laundry. Fine. This is not me complaining, I find joy in caring for my family in all those places. But I think I can be tired sometimes without guilt. And guilt is not something I really allow myself to waste time on - contrary to popular belief guilt is not from God and so I have no use for it.

Anyway . . .

I think me working has really impacted everything more than I thought it would. It's only part time, two days during the week at the most. And they go to their great grandma's house, so it's more like a visit than anything else. If I work the weekend, they are with their daddy. It's not a bad set up, but it is tiring for me because it breaks up our routine and I am the one towing the line during the day. Maybe I'm trying to hard. I'm not sure if I need to suck it up a bit more or cut and run. I bet there is a narrow middle road there somewhere - I'll look for that way . . .

Either way, I could try to relax, I bet that would help ;0P

Not sure what I accomplished with this, but now it's off to the kitchen, the desk, the laundry room and the grocery store - full of gratitude that I can do those things at all.

Before I end this, let me just say a thank you to God real quick - Thank you for Your perfect love and mercy. Thank you for this day, nobody is promised tomorrow. Thank you for my husband who is so full of grace and so deserving of my respect. Thank you for my kids, who bring me so much joy - so much that they could only come from You.

Some Q&A for my boys.

Questions for my boys:

Jacob's answers---
1. What is something Mom always says to you?
"Do your school work."

2. What makes Mom happy?
"For her sons to tell the truth."

3. What makes Mom sad?
"To not obey her."

4. How does your Mom make you laugh?
"She makes funny faces."

5. What was your Mom like as a child?
"Smaller."

6. How old is your Mom?
"28."

7. How tall is your Mom?
"About 5 feet . . . ?"

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"Spend time with her family."

9. What does your Mom do when you're not around?
"Eat chocolate and watch t.v."

10. If your Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
"Sewing."

11. What is your Mom really good at?
"Taking care of people."

12. What is your Mom not very good at?
"Skateboarding."

13. What does your Mom do for a job?
"Cleans the hospital."

14.What is your Mom's favorite food?
"Rice."

15.What makes you proud of your Mom?
"That she gets to have a job."

16. If your Mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"The lady on Tom and Jerry - the one where you can never see the top of her body. . ."

17. What do you and your Mom do together?
"School work."

18. How are you and your Mom the same?
"We do not like sea food."

19. How are you and your Mom different?
"She's a girl and I'm a boy."

20. How do you know your Mom loves you?
"She takes care of me."

21. Where is your Mom's favorite place to go?
"A restaurant."

Zayne's answers---

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
"Don't have a fit!"

2. What makes Mom happy?
"Not having a fit."

3. What makes Mom sad?
"Not listening."

4. How does your Mom make you laugh?
"Plays with me and tickles me."

5. What was your Mom like as a child?
"Helpful."

6. How old is your Mom?
"28"

7. How tall is your Mom?
"9 feet tall."

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"Hang out with her kids."

9. What does your Mom do when you're not around?
"Get school work ready."

10. If your Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
"Singing."

11. What is your Mom really good at?
"Teaching us school."

12. What is your Mom not very good at?
"Nothing."

13. What does your Mom do for a job?
"Doctor."

14.What is your Mom's favorite food?
"Mozzarella sticks."

15.What makes you proud of your Mom?
"She listens to me."

16. If your Mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"Bloo from Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends"

17. What do you and your Mom do together?
"Go to the store."

18. How are you and your Mom the same?
"Same eyes."

19. How are you and your Mom different?
"Our legs."

20. How do you know your Mom loves you?
"Because she's my mom. . . ."

21. Where is your Mom's favorite place to go?
"The bookstore."

Reality is leaking . . .

My kids are getting older and I am noticing more and more the onset of small doses of reality setting in for them, and I am really just trying to hold there hand through it. It's all I can do. I do try to save them from as much of the ugliness that is out there as I can, call it sheltered if you want, I don't care. They will eventually lose more and more if their innocence and I will slow that process as much and humanly possible. I am not talking about being dishonest or painting a picture that life is all rainbows and butterflies, but just to let them be children and enjoy this time they have of being simply carefree. If today is anything like it was when I was in school, kids just couldn't wait to grow up and we would do almost anything to look, sound or act like we were adults and in the process make a lot of mistakes. So, watching them deal with certain realities has been sad and amazing. Sad because reality is leaking in and amazing because of how they are handling it. They are so compassionate and sensitive and that is something I am going to continue to cultivate in them anyway I can. I want them to have a high regard for life for themselves and everyone around them in every situation. They may be sheltered if that's what some want to call it, but they won't be ignorant and they won't ignore the realities that very soon will be all too real.

Let's see, where to start . . .

I have a job now. I work at Spectrum Health (Butterworth). I like it, I get to work all over the hospital cleaning up after people so I am pretty qualified in that area. I spend most of my time on the neonatal floor right now but I am training in others.

God has shown me a lot in the last month, about how much he loves us and that I really cannot comprehend it nearly what I thought I could. The more I think I figure it out the more questions I have as far as why, when and everything else. So I am also learning to not assume, I can't put God in a box, He is way to awesome for that.

Josh has a new job, he started today. Not exactly sure of his title but, since he knows how to do just about every aspect in the field of construction I think that is what he's doing - a little of everything. I am sure he is relieved to be getting out of the house and out of his Mr. Mom role of the last few weeks - which he was amazing at by the way.

Most recently and much more exciting - my brother and his wife had their very first baby yesterday! Jaxton Michael (Jax), 6lbs 14 oz and 21 inches long. He is a doll and looks just like both of them, maybe a little more like mom right now, but I think he will look more like his daddy as he grows. I held him for a few minutes and he made these sweet little squeaky baby sounds. I think babies are like drugs, after I held him it was like my hormones kicked into overdrive and I was all teary the whole drive home.

So that is kind of a vague overview of the last few weeks, but with the same outcome of me being very thankful, enlightened, confused and tired.

Naps, Oatmeal, Shoes, Bowling Alleys, KISS and Popcorn

I took a 15 minute nap today that took and hour and half to complete and felt super rested when I "woke" up.

I had to by all white or all black shoes for work today, which have to be relatively comfortable due to all the walking I will be doing so I also purchased comfy insoles. I am officially the uncoolest person in the world with a style age of 60. Not to mention what my uniform looks like . . . shudder. . .

This is the first time since yesterday I checked my email which is mind blowing, typically I would have checked it two dozen times by noon. Kai wants to know what I'm doing and I tell him "checking my email" and he shakes his head and says "checking your oatmeal, mom?"

Logan twisted his tiny little ankle at the bowling alley yesterday and if he is still limping tomorrow we will have x rays.

Jacob is learning how to play "Rock and Roll All Night" by Kiss on his guitar this week. He has no idea who they are, but likes the song and that's okay.

Zayne is having a cousin spend the night tonight and they are finishing up a game of Break the Ice and are in popcorn and movie heaven.

MLK - It's not just a day off.